Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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