Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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