i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize