I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
