...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
someone owes me an orgasm
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
