i think i have herpe
just one?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
