And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
