we're blogging at a bar
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
