We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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