I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
