If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
