Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
