You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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