from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
