I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
