Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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