i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
