The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
