I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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