So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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