My sheets look like a crime scene.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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