I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
