Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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