on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
