I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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