she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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