I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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