careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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