i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
