Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
