I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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