we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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