Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Someone signed my nipple.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
