You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
