Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
