Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
