your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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