I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
