there was a trapeze. enough said
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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