Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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