we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
