Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize