I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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