I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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