How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
