Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
