At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
