What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
