my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
