There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
