evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
