oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
