i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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