I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i drank out of a bidet.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
