Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
