mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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