he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
