I think i peed on brittanys purse
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
