Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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