So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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