separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
