She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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