So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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