You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
