I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Please, let me fuck your mom
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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