i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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