last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
