Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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