If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
