i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
