Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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