You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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