OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
