I have demons in me.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
