I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
