I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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