fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
